It’s been a long two years of being angry, bitter, and frustrated with God. Health issues, adjusting to motherhood while still working, then adjusting to motherhood while NOT working, three moves… It all piled up on me and left me feeling very alone and abandoned by the God I had previously leaned on for everything and trusted implicitly.

A return to faith

After this last move, however, something finally hit me: If my faith was so easily discarded because things weren’t going my way, was it really faith? I’m still not entirely sure what exactly switched in my brain after that realization, but I was able finally to let go of the hurt and begin to find peace, even though many of the issues are still present.

In the midst of this return to faith, I became pretty convicted that I needed to get back into daily Bible study – and really STUDY. Let God speak to me, not just read a couple of “daily verses” on my phone and call it good. So, I pulled out my old, leather-bound Bible, concordance, notepad, and pen, and sat down to see what God needed to tell me.

A search for biblical role models

Feeling led to James 1, the chapter about trials and temptations leading to the strengthening and maturation of our faith (seems applicable right now, huh?), I started there. Reading the passage over and over again, stopping to ponder various verses, and explore themes that resonated, I thought about how badly I had failed this latest test of faith. I then began to think about all the various women mentioned in the Bible who were at some point frustrated, distraught, and/or just plain bitter. I needed a Biblical, female role model of how to deal with that bitterness.

Enter the weeklong study of every Biblical female I could think of: Mary and Elizabeth (no bitterness noted there), Naomi, Hannah (probably the closest I came to a woman who handled her distress well and triumphed in faith), etc. I eventually landed on Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, & Leah. These women are credited over and over again with birthing the nation of Israel and are revered as Hebrew matriarchs. But none of them were saints. They all struggled with jealousy, disbelief, anger, lying, and general scheming. Not exactly the role models I was looking for…

Nobody’s perfect!

But then I stumbled upon a verse referring to Rebekah’s twin boys: “Yet before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad – in order that God’s purpose in election might stand: not by works but by him who calls.” (Romans 9:11, NIV)

These women aren’t honored because of their great faith or their perfect track record. They’re held up as examples of what God can accomplish THROUGH us when He calls us to participate in His plan, warts and all.

In searching for the “perfect” role model, I am reminded once again that no one is perfect, but a perfect God has a perfect plan for His glory and decided to include us in it. Just like these flawed, yet greatly honored women, He wants to use me, not because I’ve done anything to deserve it, but so that His purposes are completed through me, despite my failings.

Laura Stufflebam Holth

As a former University Resident Director, Career Counselor, Certified Personality Trainer, and high school Spanish teacher, Laura has quite the “scattered” background — with one underlying theme: education! She writes to teach and inspire women on topics related to faith, family, and lifework. She is also a resume writer, specializing in resumes for moms, career changers, and new graduates.