The (Wo)Man in the Mirror
“As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.”
The past several days have been eye-opening for me as a parent. C & I started potty training last Wednesday, and it was an intense, lonely few days of me just home with C, focusing solely on her, and not being able to take care of anything else. Honestly, it brought out the ugly in me, and I’m not terribly proud of how often I completely melted down once Erik came home. Changes, in general, tend to make me anxious, and big changes to my daily life – like switching from the relative ease of diapers to having to be uber vigilant about not letting a toddler pee or poop on the floors – are enough to send me into full-blown panic attacks. That said, C is doing really well with learning to use the potty and I’m aware (once again) how badly I tend to blow things out of proportion when I let fear get the best of me.
When I read the devotion centering on Proverbs 27:19 on Day1 of potty training, I knew I wasn’t going to have enough mental energy to tackle the topic in the midst of those intensely focused days, so I put all writing on the back burner until we had our training well in hand. So, today, we’re back to it, and I’m still not entirely sure I’m ready. Having to think about how my life reflects the state of my heart and what that passes on to my child is just heavy.
Until recently, my heart – and therefore my behavior – was spewing bitterness and anger. I know God and I are working through that now, and I’m trying to let go of the shame I feel surrounding the previous state of my heart, but it’s extra embarrassing to be reminded that my daughter spent the first two years of her life soaking up that attitude. However, despite my poor example, C is a very happy, well-adjusted little girl, and I am SO thankful. When her needs are met, she exudes innocence, joy, wonder, independence, gentleness, compassion, and powerful love. If those qualities are indicative of the state of her 2-year-old heart, when most of the world complains about tantrums and “The Terrible Twos,” I feel like we’re doing really well.
When C’s needs are NOT met, however – when she’s overtired, hungry, or just hasn’t spent enough quality time nursing, playing, and rough-housing – she isn’t quite as pleasant to be around. Like most other young kids in a compromised physical/mental state, she becomes demanding, self-centered, frustrated, and angry. It’s an all too real reminder of the less than stellar emotional and spiritual inheritance I’ve left for her thus far. In those moments when she’s wailing about not getting a toy at Target or blantantly disobeying Erik’s instructions to begin clean-up at night, I see myself in her actions. I see my tantrums, rantings, and disobedience toward God. It’s not a pretty picture in that mirror she’s holding up for me.
I am incredibly thankful that God got a hold of me and shook me out of my bad attitude when He did, and that He’s giving me an opportunity to learn from my mistakes and begin to pour into my daughter in a positive way while she’s still young. I have ZERO idea how I’m supposed to guide her into her own faith, but living by example and making sure my heart is right with my Maker seems like a good place to start.
How have you seen your heart/behavior reflected in the actions of your child(ren)? What stories and lessons can you share about the “mirror” they’ve held up for you?
As a former University Resident Director, Career Counselor, Certified Personality Trainer, and high school Spanish teacher, Laura has quite the “scattered” background — with one underlying theme: education! She writes to teach and inspire women on topics related to faith, family, and lifework. She is also a resume writer, specializing in resumes for moms, career changers, and new graduates.
